This little photo always speaks volumes to me. Tyler and I had spent many years building our marriage, our careers and a life, and we both felt strongly it was time to embark on the journey to parenthood. We planned a trip to Italy to enjoy as a couple with plans we wouldn’t be a family of two for long. We are still dreamers, but looking back at this photo, it sometimes feels like a lifetime ago with what we have learned and experienced since. And now, we fast forward to last week.
After two long and heartbreaking years struggling through infertility, we entered into the week where we would “get the call” and find out whether or not we were expecting. A few days prior as I was driving home from work, I heard clear as day, God tell me “No, this is not how you are going to have your first child. I have a special calling for you and Tyler to adopt your first child.” I tried to push these thoughts away as I thought maybe it was my mile-a-minute thoughts trying to get comfortable with the idea of a Plan B but within minutes, I was sure of what I heard and who I was hearing from.
This is when my grieving began. It instantly felt so final, that Tyler and I may never bring life into the world, but the more God worked on my heart, I realized He was asking us to push our faith past the limits to trust Him just for this next step. This is His plan for our first child, but He is still allowing me to believe we’ll bring our own children into the world one day, only when the time is right.
Regardless, this was difficult to hear, but I knew deep down He had been gradually preparing our hearts for a long time. We had always been open to the idea though we continued to push hard and long to do what we deeply wanted, hoping He might bless us with our own desires.
It was amazing we could hit rock bottom and extreme peace and excitement by surrendering to God’s will all within the same 24 hours. I am thankful Tyler and I each reached the same conclusion and that he was willing to step out in big, blind faith as well.
And now, there is PEACE, peace which the Bible says “surpasses all understanding, and guards our hearts and minds in Christ.” I have prayed and struggled with peace for two years. I wanted a child, but even more, I wanted to feel a sense of peace about our future and God’s plan.
And so that brings us here. Tyler and I are excited to share in our adoption journey with you. It is still very early in this process, we have much to learn, and we are grateful for the prayers and unwavering support as we continue on our journey to parenthood.
We hope this blog will be a forum to both record our journey (the ups and the downs) and also inform our friends and families. One thing we are sure of is that we have the best and most faithful support network. We couldn’t have gotten here alone and continue to be blessed by every expression of support, from a kind word to deep prayers when we just don’t have the words. We thank you for joining us in the journey.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11