Thanks to Tyler, the ultimate researcher, we are now the proud owners of about a dozen books on adoption. I have begun reading the book on the top of the stack, Dear Birthmother, which is an awesome testament to the power of communication and openness in adoption. It’s really broadened my perspective and allowed me to think deeply about the dynamics of adoption, and has given me a first look inside the relationships between birth parents, adoptive parents and the adopted child.
We have scheduled appointments with two smaller private adoption agencies in Dallas for the end of next week and are really (as best we know how), trying to prepare our hearts and our home for adoption. I feel though that there are not enough books, or information, to prepare me for what’s to come – that my world is about to be turned upside down by an incredibly crazy and beautiful experience.
Once we select an agency (or two), the next steps will be filling out an application. Tyler and I laid eyes on our first 33-page adoption application this week and couldn’t get over the amount of detailed information we need to provide. If I’m honest, in the back of my mind is still the ever-present mental battle of feeling like it’s all unfair – we’ve already been through so much and now we’re being asked to divulge every ounce of privacy and information about ourselves (as if infertility didn’t already do this). However, I am also humbled to know that these precautions are taken to ensure we will be the ideal parents for our future baby, that God has already hand-picked for us. He’s asking us for a little more trust, a little more endurance. In many ways, I recognize the extreme blessing this process is and will be for us as parents. We will remember the amount of work, and yet more importantly, how much we desperately wanted this little life, to nurture, to love and to grow our family and our hearts. I read recently that adoption is unique in that every step of the way is an intentional decision – it is something we seek fully and work for, and what could be more important.
So I am praying for strength and for patience as we embark on this “work-intensive” part of the process. I pray that I can see ahead to a hope and a future God has already prepared for us.